So what is to be learned from our everyday experiences, which often involve others? It doesn't seem obvious to me at first, because so many of my interactions don't seem to have meaningful content. I learn about others' health, the weather, the intensity of their current jobs and job assignments, sometimes about their feelings regarding politics and politicians, but of what impact is that to me?

Reading the first part of Romans 1, I'm drawn initially to the well-known, well-exposed verse 16 - "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." And I wonder, why isn't more of my interaction with others inclusive of the good news of the kingdom of God? Am I ashamed, or is my interest in others so miniscule that I don't care to share?

What else has Paul said in this passage? Going back, I realize that he's telling a group of people that he loves them! More than that, he finds it beneficial to him to be among them, recognizing that he "...may obtain some fruit among [them] also, even as among the rest of the Gentiles." Further, Paul states the he is "...under obligation both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to the wise and to the foolish." It strikes me that Paul has characterized many kinds of fruit, but the most outstanding are the fruits of the Spirit, and it seems that these would be experienced in the company of Greeks and barbarians, the wise and the foolish. He is telling the Romans that we are all interconnected, that we are all God's creation, that we benefit from one another's company and companionship.

Instead of curling up in my little corner of the world, I need to reach out and share myself and my God, and I will be the beneficiary.

God, thank you for your interest in me, and help me to be a better representative of You in this world and among your people.

Losing everything is painful. Choices that seemed reasonable at the time appear foolish in retrospect. So again, I turn to scriptures to try and contextualize my experience. 

I Corinthians 3:15 says that "If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire."

I (think I) know that the reference is to spiritual efforts on earth, with concomitant heavenly rewards (or lack thereof), but right now it seems that all I've done has been "burned up" leaving only loss. I may have come through the fire, but what now?

The overwhelming feeling is of failing those dependent on me. Sad to say, if I had died during my hospitalization, those left behind would have been more secure (at least financially.) Term life policy would have covered the house and left a small nest egg, and pension and social security would have provided for continued living expenses.

So one (I) can't help but consider suicide, given the fact of being worth more dead than alive at this time. But Paul goes on to say that "If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him, for the temple of God is holy, and that is what you are." I have experienced God, given my life to Him, so it would appear that taking my own life is not an option.

The following verses seem to hit me hard, instructing "Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God." If I look at myself without the standard filters of rationalization, the mirror reveals a man who has deceived himself, thinking himself wise. Now I see myself as foolish, having embraced the wisdom of this world.

So, God, what would you have me do? Against the advice of the job-seeker counselors, I will have to "settle" for much less than I thought I was qualified to do. That's fine. I don't mind cutting back lifestyle, it truly isn't important to me. I still have clothes, a car, enough to eat and, for the moment, a roof over my (and my dependents') head(s). Today, I re-write my resumé, and begin a more humble job search. Please, God, teach me Your ways, and bless my efforts to please You.

No job, losing my house, what else can go wrong?

Feel estranged from a child of mine, feel that I'm failing all those who are/were close to me.

So I read Psalm 27, and cry, because I have the mixed emotions that it does and doesn't apply to me.

Have I been seeking Him, asking to dwell in His house – anytime at all, much less all the days of my life?

Do I feel that He will keep me safe in His place? Does my heart tell me to seek His face?

And yet I resonate with the cry to ask Him to not hide His face from me, to not reject or forsake me.

So now I pray, "Teach me Your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path..."

But while I believe, I need His help with my unbelief, so that I can be confident that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living; Now, not in some nebulous future time and place.